Back to the working world.  As you must have gathered by now I have had many jobs, all kinds of weird, sometimes wonderful, sometimes downright dreadful jobs.

Carolyn story of one company I worked at back in the UK on the English/Welsh border:  The company made ‘surroundings’ to protect computers from being hacked.  They were pretty much selling a suit of armour for computers to protect them from enemies reading the data and what is even funnier, armour for the screens not the boxes!  It was all smoke and mirrors and absolute rubbish but for a long while they did make sales.

My job was half secretary/half sales sourcing. Every week I would read Jane’s magazine, pick up the phone and start calling.  My ploy was fairly straightforward, get to receptionist (in those days always female) and say something along the lines of ‘Oh God I hate to ask but I am a temp/newly employed/in my first job and I have forgotten who my new boss told me to ask for.  He is in purchasing.  Please, can you just tell me
who I should be connecting to?’  I have a voice that sounded younger than I was – telesales people used to ask to speak with a parent until I was about 35; even today it is quiet and most people ask if they have just woken me… but I digress. Inevitably they would give me a name and on up the pile I would go.  Eventually reaching the ‘real’ guy.  One asked me how on earth I had reached his number and I said ‘I lied.’  He laughed and agreed to let me send him our brochures.
The guy I worked for though, what a plonker.  He was a couple of years younger than me and loved his ‘Man from C & A’ pin striped suits.  He told me that he ‘liked to keep his wife pregnant because it kept her out of trouble and he had bought her a little car to run around in’, he also used to refer to anyone in the company that he didn’t like as ‘a bit ‘AIDsy’ implying they were gay and therefore less than human’ – seriously I kid you not and yes I had to fight the urge to just do a flying leap for the jugular. But I didn’t.  I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And then finally…. ah bliss….opportunity knocked.

I was two weeks away from quitting because I had found another job and he was planning to go to a trade show in London.  Plonker had never been out of Powys/Shropshire before and wanted to know about clubs in London.  He knew I was from the south.  So I gave him the following advice – this was 1989

C is me P is Plonker.
C: ‘You need to go to Heaven.’

P: ‘Heaven?’

C: ‘Yes it’s a fabulous nightclub, the best’

P: ‘Will I see celebreties?’

C: ‘Oh yes, lots and lots’
P: ‘What’s the address?’
C: ‘It doesn’t matter, just get into a black cab and say ‘Take me to Heaven”
P: ‘They’ll know where it is?’
C: ‘Oh yes, they will take one look at you and know exactly where you need to go’
P: ‘Great!’

I left the company before the trade show ended. My fond hope is that he is still there, trapped in some kind of Star Trek time warp heh heh.  For those of you who don’t know what Heaven is, Google it.  Sadly I doubt they would have let him in but it would have been a sweet revenge.  Especially if he used his ‘I think he looks a bit AIDsy’ comment.’

I am a nice person really……… seriously…… well most of the time ;o)