I see the palace has published the wedding timetable. First guests will be in the Abbey at 8.15 a.m. The wedding is at 11.00. a.m. Here’s a stock market tip. Buy shares in Depends, the adult diaper company.

Think about it, allow the time it takes to get dressed for the occasion of the decade, climbing into Spanx, control top pantyhose/tights, then the frock and the hat – and in the UK that’s just the men – getting there, going through security, being seated, not wanting to cause a fuss by getting up and asking where the loo even is in Westminster Abbey, let alone get to it and then maneuvoring the hat into the cubicle and praying you don’t come back with your dress tucked in the back of your knickers….. no, everyone will hold it, or will try to. Hence the rush to buy Depends…..

Hmm got to find me a stock-broker.

What ever happened to marketing? Hello all CEOs. Do you not even look at the ads your people come up with?

We often mute ads if there is a squeaky voiced woman or kids with voices like fingernails down a blackboard…. case in current point, some ad for a kiddy bike/tryke/convertable thing with a sun hat that has a female voiceover that makes whales and dolphins commit suicide on beaches all over the world. Looks like a great toy but I will never know because I lunge for the remote in the first 3 seconds and sadly for who ever paid big bucks for the ads that come after it because I miss them too until I glance up and see the show I was watching is back on and un-mute it.

But now I have a new one. Ok there is a new ad on TV. Typical plinky plonky music. Goes on for about 20 seconds with no hint of what the product is. Finally at the very it turns to be cat food. Alan had assumed it was toilet paper and I thought maybe a feminine hygiene product. Brrrp both wrong. Seriously? Cat food? Neither of us remember which cat food it was but Alan doesn’t want o wipe his a** with it and though I no longer need said hygiene products I certainly would not use that product in that way either.

Waste of advertising money if you ask me. Of course they don’t ask me but you get the gist.
Back to the Royal Wedding. I can’t wait to see that US made TV movie about William and Kate. It looks so splendidly dreadful! London buses driving on the right side of the road, the couple on a shoot in Gloucester with a Californian mountain range in the background. Neither actor bears even the vaguest resemblance to the couple. It’s a shame the Queen Mother is dead, would have loved to see Nathan Lane cast in that part. But there again he’s much too good an actor and that would spoil it.