I need an operation soon and have been jumping through the hoops to get that in place. When I first met my GP he was a child, he is still as skinny as one but over the past 16 years, yes he has got a bit older, he now looks almost 17.

He referred me to a surgeon to do this op. The man is 12. Given the OHIP waiting lists he might turn 14 by the time I get it done. Sweet man, very kind, but wow they get younger and younger the older I get, like policemen.

As part of the pre-op stuff I had to have a CT scan, which meant that first I had to go for a blood test. As some of you know I am a huge fan of blood and needles and stuff, my dreams are filled with them, OK my nightmares are filled with them. I can’t even look at a photo in a newspaper or magazine. Luckily for me my kidneys are not working well enough to have the dye pumped into me for the scan.

I was never destined to be a drug addict. Imagine if I had fancied doing that?

Needles: completely out of the question and anyway who the hell came up with the thought that it might be a good idea to poke a sticky sharp thing filled with poison into their veins?

The stuff people shove up their noses. Question: Why? I have had babies. I have changed nappies (diapers in North America), I have sprinkled on Johnson’s Baby Powder (TM) and accidentally inhaled it up my nose. Not a fun thing. Especially with a schnozz like mine. So why on earth did someone come up with the idea of putting talcum powder on a mirror and sniffing it?

Which leaves me with marijuana. Cannabis. Weed. Call it what you will. I have been on a diet since I was 7. Why in heaven’s name would any sane woman (or most men) voluntarily ingest something that makes them hungry? Total madness.

So, my sin is home-made white wine. Still not a good choice diet wise but compared with the above… hell wouldn’t you?

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